Friday, November 11, 2005

How's It Going?

The phrase how's it going can mean many different things. To most people it's a way of saying how is your day going... how are you doing. It's a pleasantly. But I've noticed that when people find out that you are trying to lose weight it has a whole different meaning. When you are trying to lose weight it is more of a hey did you cheat on your diet yet? Are you sticking to you exercise regime? I guess this only comes from certain people though. Some people just don't want you to succeed. And now that I think about it those are the people that I really don't need in my life. But some of those people I just can't get out of my life as they co-workers. And unfortunately I don't get to chose those! Don't get me wrong I love my job. There is just one co-worker in particular that rubs me the wrong way. She tells me that eating granola is bad for you, yet she eats granola every morning. Soo... basically I gather that because I am overweight granola is bad. But if I wasn't granola would be good? Can anyone clarify this for me????? Any insight into this situation would be appreciated. I don't think that she understands how difficult it is to make huge life change. I used to be the person that would run to any fast food place for lunch because it was quick convenient and cheap. My new diet is no fast food at all. I have gone from probably around 3,000 calories a day to right about 1,200 calories a day. That's huge. Especially just to jump right into it. I don't really miss much of what I used to eat. I also give myself one free day a week (within reason) to eat some of the things that I have been craving throughout the week. I haven't cheated yet. And that's a huge accomplishment for me. Especially since I didn't have any candy on Halloween! It's been three weeks since I started the diet and I have to say that sometimes it is frustrating. Sometimes I wish I could just go to sleep and wake up looking the way that I want to look. But I also understand that I gained the weight over time and it is going to take some time to lose the weight. It helps to have so many understanding people in my life. The only person that I don't think understands why I am doing what I am doing is the guy that I love. He has been in and out of my life for almost four years. The timing for us is just never right though. He loves me the way that I am. And sometimes I think that might be why our relationship isn't the way that it could be. I have such a hard time believing that anyone would want to love me when I look like I do now. I am always thinking that he could do so much better. Especially when I see the girls that he thinks are hot on TV. Maybe that's just a part of the process that I have to go through. I need to build my self esteem before I can fix my relationship problems. I just hope that he is patient. Because I know that he is the one that I want to spend the rest of my life with. The one bonus to working out is that I have started to notice a few changes in myself. Not necessarily in my appearance but in the way that I carry myself. I have started sitting up straighter and walking taller. I guess I just have to take baby steps. So how's it going?

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