Losing It All

Monday, November 28, 2005

Feeling Optimistic

So at the unofficial weigh in this past weekend I was at 312.6. I was actually fairly impressed. I was very nervous to look at the scale since Thursday was Thanksgiving and lets face face it.... all of the foods that we all know and love for Thanksgiving are carbalicious. Yes I know that's not really a word... but I think you understand what I am am trying to say. I say it was an unofficial weigh in because no one else was there again. Well there were other people there in my class... but none of my posse were there. But that's okay. I'll just get a gold star for the week! yippee! So I have have lost a total of 8.9 pounds so far. Not quite what I had been hoping for at this stage but it is better than nothing.... I have lost enough to fit into the pants that I was wanting to wear to my companies Christmas party next week. The pants that I spent way too much money on, and have yet to wear because I bought them a size too small. Why would I do that you ask??? Because they didn't make them in my size and I just had to have them! So at least I will finally be able to wear them. So my abs hurt today. Why??? Because I was bored last night and decided to do sit ups. I think I did a few too many. I think it actually hurts to breath. Is that a bad thing??? My guess is yes. So my mom asked me what I wanted for Christmas and only thing that I had for my list was a fit-ball. If you have never used one of these they are fantastic. Great for Ab and back exercises. Well actually they are great for all toning.

Tuesday, November 22, 2005

A little better

Okay... So this week has been considerably better. I'm still frustrated, but things are better. I finally found a pair of shoes. Surprisingly the same pair of shoes was on sale two days later and the did have my size! Yippee! Did I mention that somehow my foot size changed? I have been a size 9 forever. And now I'm and 8 1/2. Who knew that I would lose weight from my feet first???? I sure didn't. I also managed to find a pair of pants for the gym. So that frustration is gone. However, I was the only one from my little biggest loser group to go to the gym on Saturday and on Monday. Hmmmm..... So I forgot to weigh myself on Saturday. I didn't even think about it. And I managed to make a liar out of myself by going to the step class last night. It was the same instructor that I had the previous Wednesday when I got super frustrated. I know I said that I wouldn't go back to one of her classes, but I guess I had to give her another shot. She asked me when I walked in what I thought of her previous class, and I told her that I thought it was awful. And I told her exactly why. So last nights class was better.... however she only does like five or six different steps when the rest of the instructors do a lot of different combinations. She said that is because she is used to teaching the advanced class, but I've heard she isn't that great of a teacher for that either. But at least I went to the gym. I also started taking release again yesterday. I took it a year ago and lost 20 pounds the first month. Then I stopped taking it because I have a really hard time with a diet that requires that low of a carb intake. I also couldn't take the flavor of the protein shakes anymore. So I'm taking them now, but not changing my diet from the change already made and I'm going to see how that works. It is supposed to boost my metabolism. And lord knows that I will need that with Thanksgiving this week!

Monday, November 21, 2005

Frustration Sets In

So last week was a really rough week for me. Not that I was tempted to cheat on my diet or anything, it was just a rough week. Well the whole week wasn't that way. It didn't get that way until Wednesday. We had a substitute instructor in my step class on Wednesday. And she was awful! Obviously I don't have a whole lot to compare it too. But I think she was the worst, I will not attend another class that she teaches. She kept doing things without calling them and changing feet without calling it. And she worked our hips for a full hour. That's just nuts! And she had us doing things that should be done during warm ups during the time when our heart rates should have been in our target heart rate zone. I was so frustrated that I almost walked out. I didn't even get that frustrated the first time that I took a step class. So after class I decided that I needed new gym shoes and they were having a fantastic sale at a store that shall remain nameless. Anyway, I get to the store and try on shoes... by the way they only have like three different styles of cross trainers. So I fall in love with a pair of shoes and go figure they are not on sale and they don't have my size. So I decided to see if they had any gym clothes. Oh they have them alright. For skinny people!!! Needless to say I got even more frustrated then I already was. By the time that I left the store I was almost in tears. By the time that I got to my car I was in tears. And I couldn't stop crying. And I know what you are thinking that it was PMS.... but it wasn't. It was sheer frustration. So I call the love of my life who panics because I am crying and anyone who knows me knows that I rarely cry. He asks what is wrong and all I can say is that I am having a bad day. Bless his heart he tries to make me feel better by telling me that I am beautiful and that I don't even need to be going to the gym and that just makes it worse. I tell him that I have to go and that I will call him the next day. All I wanted him to say was that everything was going to be okay and that if I wanted I could come over for a hug. (yes I know it was all about a pair of shoes... ) I just wish there was a way to let people know what you need to hear...... hmmmm......

Monday, November 14, 2005

More Progress

So at Saturdays weigh in my weight was at 314.8. Which means that I have lost a total of 6.7 pounds. Which is 4.18% of my goal. When you look at it that way it is easier to see progress. I guess. I'm losing an average of 2 pounds per week, which from what I've heard is the healthy rate to lose weight if you want to keep it off. Sometimes I just wish that I could work out more during the week. But there don't seem to be enough hours in the day for that. I hate it when that happens. I guess I could always do one of the Jane Fonda tapes that I have had from the eighties. But everytime I think about doing that I start laughing because I think of Sir Mix Alot and I like Big Butts.... tehehe. Or I could do a sweatin to the oldies tape. If I can keep up for an hour long step class, Richard Simmons should be nothin. But there is something odd about Richard. Maybe it's those short shorts, or the mullet that he sports in most of his videos. I don't know what it is about mullets! Anyway, back to the subject at hand if I can keep losing weight at this rate I am on track to lose the 30 ish pounds that I wanted to lose by my Birthday and 40 ish pounds by Spring Break for my Vegas Trip. And on a side note... I was thinking that I should be able to fit into my snazzy pants for my companies Christmas Party at Dave & Busters! Yippee!

Friday, November 11, 2005

How's It Going?

The phrase how's it going can mean many different things. To most people it's a way of saying how is your day going... how are you doing. It's a pleasantly. But I've noticed that when people find out that you are trying to lose weight it has a whole different meaning. When you are trying to lose weight it is more of a hey did you cheat on your diet yet? Are you sticking to you exercise regime? I guess this only comes from certain people though. Some people just don't want you to succeed. And now that I think about it those are the people that I really don't need in my life. But some of those people I just can't get out of my life as they co-workers. And unfortunately I don't get to chose those! Don't get me wrong I love my job. There is just one co-worker in particular that rubs me the wrong way. She tells me that eating granola is bad for you, yet she eats granola every morning. Soo... basically I gather that because I am overweight granola is bad. But if I wasn't granola would be good? Can anyone clarify this for me????? Any insight into this situation would be appreciated. I don't think that she understands how difficult it is to make huge life change. I used to be the person that would run to any fast food place for lunch because it was quick convenient and cheap. My new diet is no fast food at all. I have gone from probably around 3,000 calories a day to right about 1,200 calories a day. That's huge. Especially just to jump right into it. I don't really miss much of what I used to eat. I also give myself one free day a week (within reason) to eat some of the things that I have been craving throughout the week. I haven't cheated yet. And that's a huge accomplishment for me. Especially since I didn't have any candy on Halloween! It's been three weeks since I started the diet and I have to say that sometimes it is frustrating. Sometimes I wish I could just go to sleep and wake up looking the way that I want to look. But I also understand that I gained the weight over time and it is going to take some time to lose the weight. It helps to have so many understanding people in my life. The only person that I don't think understands why I am doing what I am doing is the guy that I love. He has been in and out of my life for almost four years. The timing for us is just never right though. He loves me the way that I am. And sometimes I think that might be why our relationship isn't the way that it could be. I have such a hard time believing that anyone would want to love me when I look like I do now. I am always thinking that he could do so much better. Especially when I see the girls that he thinks are hot on TV. Maybe that's just a part of the process that I have to go through. I need to build my self esteem before I can fix my relationship problems. I just hope that he is patient. Because I know that he is the one that I want to spend the rest of my life with. The one bonus to working out is that I have started to notice a few changes in myself. Not necessarily in my appearance but in the way that I carry myself. I have started sitting up straighter and walking taller. I guess I just have to take baby steps. So how's it going?

Thursday, November 10, 2005

Another Day

Another day another comment from someone who thinks that they know the best thing for me to do with my diet. The funniest thing is that all of the people who comment on what I should and shouldn't eat and what I should and shouldn't do when it comes to exercise are doing the exact thing that they tell me I shouldn't do. Hypocrites all of them! So the rules are different for me since I am overweight? I don't get it at all. I guess I never will.

Tuesday, November 08, 2005


Woohoo! When I weighed in yesterday I was down a pound and a half! Yippee! Although I feel that I must add that when I weighed myself again after my step class I had lost another pound. But I really don't think that counts since it was all water weight and I'm sure it will come back. Any way. I have decided that sweat is gross. I don't like it at all. By the time that I finished the step class yesterday the entire front and back of my shirt were soaked! And that's just not right! A good sign but gross. Okay... if that didn't make me sound overly girly I don't know what will. On a side note I have recently learned that anyone who finds out that you are on a diet suddenly thinks that they are an expert on nutrition. For instance I have a co-worker who was telling the struggles of overweight and obese people. And how difficult it is for those who are weight challenged in the world. Mind you she weighs 115 pounds and has never been over 120 pounds. So how would she know the struggles of the obese? And what makes her an expert and gives her the right to criticize what I eat? Arrggghhh. That just makes me realize why I shouldn't have told anyone that I was working on my weight in the first place. I have completely cut out alot of the bad things that were in my diet and she has the nerve to tell me that the yogurt that I eat has too much sugar in it. Well I'm sorry that I can't be perfect.... But isn't any kind of yogurt better that McDonald's or any other kind of fast food? And was lecturing me on the cream cheese that I put I my bagel. It's fat free and sugar free and that is my lunch a bagel and cream cheese! Give me a break! Any way that's all I have to say about that.

Monday, November 07, 2005

Same Stuff Different Day

So it has been two weeks. And my weight loss is up too..... drumroll please..... 5 pounds. So I didn't lose anything last week but I also didn't gain anything so I guess that's okay. But it is incredibly frustrating that I watched what I ate all week and worked so hard at the gym three times last week. I didn't even have any candy on Halloween. But I guess you can't have a five pound loss every week. I was thinking about weight and weight gain the other day. And I was wondering why no one ever told me that I was gaining weight. I know it would exactly be politically correct for someone to say wow your ass is getting really big. But seriously why did it take tipping the scales at 300 pounds for me to decide to do something about it? That's really ridiculous. And the only person that I have to blame is myself. I have drastically changed my eating style and my lifestyle for that matter and I seem to be doing rather well. I no longer dread going to the gym... okay that was a blatant lie. Going to the gym is still not my favorite thing to do. But now I am able to make it all the way through a step class. And miraculously I can walk the next day. (That wasn't possible two weeks ago). And my mood has definitely improved... I've heard that has something to do with endorphins. And it definitely helps that I have a group of friends going through this with me. Especially when I think I overworked my coffee drinking muscle last week. Seriously, I had to put a straw in my coffee because it hurt to much to lift my coffee cup all the way to my mouth. Now if that is any indication of how little my muscles get used.... wow. I look at little kids at the store running amok and I have a hard time remembering having that much energy. I'm sure I did.... all kids are like that right? But then again maybe that is part of the problem. Maybe I have just been under active my whole life. But that can't be true either. I played volleyball, basketball and ran track in middle school and I played softball in high school and I was in the marching band (go ahead and laugh I know you want to). So maybe I need to sue Mc Donald's. There food is too easily accessible. It is way too easy to just stop and grab something that is not good for you at all. But it is too easy to blame someone else. I am the only one to blame. It is completely my fault that I am the way that I am. Wow. I think that is the first time that I have ever said that. Hmmm. It is my lack of will power and lack of self control that has molded me into what I am. I guess I will just have to continue with my mantra... nothing tastes as good as thin feels... nothing tastes as good as thin feels.....